I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
