the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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