My hand turned me down
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
