Define "chronic" masturbator.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
