you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
