I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
