do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
