i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
