What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
