ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
