hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Everclear isn't food dammit
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
