For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
its liver damage thursday
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
