he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
