I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
