i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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