I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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