It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I need water and some morals
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
