I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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