we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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