so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
