so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
