you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
