Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
