2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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