3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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