Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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