Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
did i walk over a car last night?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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