last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Who died my cat blue again?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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