bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
