My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
