I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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