I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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