I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
