You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
