sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
