I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
