You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
