you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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