i just had sex bonerless
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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