hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
