it hurts more in the daytime
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
