Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
