I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
you made out with another girl for some wings
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
