There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
