Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
