haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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