he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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