I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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