I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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