so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
