Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
