People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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