It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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