Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
