WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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