It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
