So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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