I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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